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Problem of loneliness a problem of loneliness a loneliness problem
The film has ended, and on the screen a caption has run. In a hall light has joined, people began to rise from the places and, not hurrying up, went to an exit.
In foyer of a cinema I have said goodbye to friends and have gone towards underground. Around was to many people, but to me steams, yes, steams of the enamoured for some reason were evident. I did not know, how much at them strong feelings, but unequivocally they were together, and from them there was an especial power. As hungry which did not eat three days, in all surrounding notices only meal, and I, in the sea of people saw only enamoured, it did not suffice my soul.
Music, music sad and melancholy sounded in me. Crowd, thousand people move, at everyone the affairs, the different sights, different destinies, us a large quantity, but YOU one.
I recollect morning of today …
My bed was left by the young person - Lena or Olja, probably, Marina it is not so important. After its leaving there was mjataja a bedsheet and … the devastated soul.
After such nights you feel yourself as a small change. The given exchange proceeds at me here some years. The train of persons, bodies, sighs and ahov … names cease to matter, all conversation is reduced to discussion of a film popular at present. You fine understand, what is it from force on three meetings. Tomorrow its place will be occupied with another, and the day after tomorrow there will be still somebody. The infinite marathon turns to black bog which tightens you all more strongly and more strongly …
The voice in the car has deduced me from reflexions - declared my station, and I left on platform. In the street it was dark and frosty, the cold wind has deduced from me the rests of negative impressions after a film. The road to the house has occupied ten minutes. In apartment as usually, me flowers waited only. Music - it will help me!!! I switch on loudly musical centre, fingers on the panel I touch radio channels. But at any subconscious level from all set I choose music, the same, that sounds at me in a nutria are sounds of loneliness. From this condition I can not neither hide, nor escape.
Fried eggs and sausages - here and all supper. I try to watch TV. Time 20-00, but IT glozhet me. In a pocket the list of phones of different girlfriends lays. The internal voice speaks: «Call and today to you will not be so badly, and tomorrow – be, that will be». Conscience has an effect and advises to throw out this list to hell and to stop this senseless marathon. You fine understand, that such life is senseless, but do not find in itself force it to correct.
Hooter …. On a tube you dial number with a name Irina, in two minutes of conversation you understand, that today from it it will not turn out. But it is not upset at all also with you you continue further under the list … On the sixth name receive the positive answer "YES" …. And it goes to you!!!
Today I managed to get rid of loneliness, and tomorrow there will be one more day, and more one evening when you do not wish to go home, and you will have a choice: to change something in the life or further to continue to fall to this bog.
For today the choice is made, and that there will be tomorrow … I do not know …
BUT the HOPE LIVES!! And you continue to believe in LOVE!!!!
Loneliness problem
Sincerely,
Alexey Belkov
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